Only Monday

It's Monday. I had to check a few times just now. Seriously, it's still Monday. It feels like it should be later in the week. At the very least Tuesday.

I suppose today could have been worse. Something really bad could have gone wrong. In fact, I really don't have much to complain about in the grand scheme of things.

I read somewhere today that someone was envious of homeschoolers. You could tell that her view of homeschooling was one of gentle family time and togetherness. Of low-stress days and sibling love. When I read this message on a forum I really, really wanted to reply to it.

I wanted to shout about how utterly rotten you feel some days. How totally inadequate you feel sometimes. Not only as a parent, but as the primary Guide, Example, Teacher, Sherpa, Chef and Storyteller to your kids. I wanted to tell her about how wrong things can go. About the negative and stubborn attitudes; about biting your tongue off to avoid ultimatums; about making your kid cry because you told them the truth and feeling like a big, dumb meanie because you wouldn't change a word.

I scraped the bottom of the parenting toolbox today. However, I did not lose my cool. I did raise my voice a little. I figured I was somewhat justified as Child A hauled off and kicked Child B, followed by the immediate flight of Child A from the local area. Where was I you ask? I was about 8 feet away pulling our school work for the day off the shelf. How laughing and tickling turns to such violence in 3 seconds is beyond me. They were getting along so well.

Ok, so that I get some sleep tonight, I think it would be cathartic if I were to tell you of the good things that happened today. It'll also use up my available Internet time so that I am not further tempted to dash that one mother's enamoured visions of homeschooling.

Good Thing #1: We were up, showered, ready for the day, housework done by 9a.m.
Good Thing #2: Math was finished before 10a.m.
Good Thing #3: Kori likes the scarf I knit her enough for me to fashion matching mittens for this Fall.
Good Thing #4: Pork Tenderloin on the BBQ for dinner was amazing.
Good Thing #5: We delivered fudge to friends.
Good Thing #6: Kori is signed up to swim this season.
Good Thing #7: The kids have forgiven each other, me and are ready for tomorrow. Which is only going to be Tuesday.

See? Not a total write-off. The only niggling worry that is not going away is how can one little child not like anything, no matter what, even if they chose it for themselves. How can she find the energy to disagree, argue, counter and test consistently? All. Day. Long. When I asked God for focus and direction, I didn't know she was going to come with extensive lessons in patience and tolerance.

On a lighter - yet still serious - note, make sure you head over to Cristina's and check out her comic #134 and her very relevant (to me) message. As much as I whine and complain, I know I'm doing the best thing for our kids. I know having them in school would not be as forgiving a place to experience growing pains. And Lord help the individual who tells me to toss the kids in school. I'm that close to losing it.

But, onward and upward to tomorrow. My dad always used to tell me that tomorrow is what I make of it. As memorable and true as that might be, he did tell me that before I, notably, had children. But I'll try. I'll get up and look in the mirror and tell myself - even though it's only going to be Tuesday, for Pete's sake - what a good day it's going to be. It's all in my attitude. And if my attitude is telling me to start our day off with a walk to Tim Horton's for muffins, well then, I guess we'll start there and see how it goes.